Compatibility vs Other stuff

This blog was inspired by two things. The first being an article on Cracked (basically) telling me to stop being a little female dog and start writing if I actually can and want to. I can write, I want to write, I just lacked the inspiration. I must mention that the word ‘inspiration’ is full of shit. Anyone can do anything when they have a gun pointed at their head. It is just mere laziness, I can admit that I often just did not want to write anymore. I spent the majority of 2014 reading, I read at least 12 books. No 200 page books either, really thick books. I didn’t have anything going on in my life either, well I did have a partner whom I often ignored just to read my book. The previous few sentences are besides the point. Now, where was I, ah! The last thing that ‘inspired’ me: someone. As you read the title, this will be about compatibility, writers always talk about something or someone when they write. (Hey, fellow writer, don’t kill me for telling, okay?) I should mention that Buzzfeed writers aren’t trying to lick their wounds when they write. They just try to lick their wounded bank account that is filled with debt, hoping to get paid off an article that’s about top 10 toilet seats.

So what is compatibility? It is defined as the following:
1. capable of existing or living together in harmony
2. able to exist together with something else

I only selected a couple definitions as the others were about computers, and I don’t know about you, but I am not trying to be compatible with a computer in this context. Although I did read that something like that might happen in future.

What do you look for in a potential partner? Or what qualities does your current partner possess? Are they (or do you want them to be): sweet, talkative, intelligent, passionate, caring, loud, aggressive, short tempered, unbothered by everything, introvert, extrovert, unclever (in a sweet way), humoristic, cynical, optimistic, nonjudgmental? That’s a long list; however, I bet that I am still missing most of the criteria you were thinking of. Now, if there’s one thing that I learned over the last year is that it’s not about a person’s qualities as much as it is about the person’s personality being compatible with yours. Two people could possess the exact same qualities, yet you could get along with one and entirely despise the other. Why is that? Their personality. Someone can possess all the qualities you look for in a person, yet you could still not get along. The take home message? Stop looking for qualities, start looking for compatibility.

Compatibility doesn’t limit itself to qualities and personality of a person, but also their view on life and existential matters. Your personalities might be compatible, but what about the rest? Do you love working out and does (s)he despise it? Does (s)he want to have kids after (s)he turns 30 but do you want them before you are 30? Does (s)he want to prolong the engagement while you want to get married? Just think about it and reevaluate upon completion.

Another thing that I get sick and tired of is this entire concept of love. ‘Love shall prevail!’ No. ‘As long as we love each other, we can get through anything.’ Once more, no. ‘Love is a major factor in a successful relationship’, yeah right, that’s why you have spent every single moment fighting with one another the past 10 years. Doesn’t exactly sound pleasant either to be honest with you. The word 'love' is one without substance. It is a concept made up by society and treated like some fundamental need (in the pyramid of needs), it is not, okay? I tried pulling up amazing articles for you where science explains love, but they don’t fit the point I am trying to make, so therefore the opposition does not exist (hey, this is my party, I can leave things out if I want to). Love is kind of like a chemical reaction in the brain, often temporary. You can’t feel the same passion for someone day in and day out for the rest of your lives. What you cán feel is genuine compassion and care for the other person, that is a more realistic view. I have spoken to married couples and they told me one thing: at the end of the day, marriage is a contract and you have to make it work. It requires effort and the feeling of being in love only lasts for a little while, after a while it dies out and you have to deal with the person. So make sure that once that feeling dies out that you ARE able to make it work with that person. Make sure that you are capable of living together in harmony. Hey, that last sentence sounds familiar right? That’s because that’s the first definition of compatibility. I don’t want to be in a relationship where I am ‘in love’ but constantly arguing about our differences (whether it would be personality wise or outlook on life wise).

This might sound obvious. Humair, why would I be in a relationship in which we are not compatible? Because a lot of people are, in fact. Isn’t there a 50% chance that marriages will fail nowadays? Damnit, that’s a high number. Think back, back to a relationship in which you were happy. You were good together. Also think about a lot of the differences you had. You wanted X, the other wanted Y. You always felt ABC when something happened while the other felt XYZ. You loved the person, you cared, but was that enough to make it last? No. That’s because love is not enough. Compatibility (in most aspects) is what makes a successful relationship.

I would like to end this essay (that’s what it is at this point) with one of my favorite quotes by a fictional character named Jacob Minderhout: ‘Remember son, a beautiful woman bores, but an ugly woman grows on you’. This quote inspired me to realize, at a young age, that beauty isn’t everything you seek in a person. That probably wasn’t the message of that sentence, in the book, but that’s the beauty of literature: it is open to interpretation. Please, share your thoughts in the comment section, I am open to others' views.

P.S. I think only one type of love actually exists: parental love. Once you have a child, you will care more for it than yourself, I suppose that is what I would define as 'love'. 

Review: Amir Obe - Detrooklyn

A review of #Detrooklyn

First of all I'd like to say that I have been waiting for this mixtape for TWO years. This was originally supposed to drop last year on 31 July, but that never happened. However, Amir (who used to go by the name of Phreshy Duzit) did bless us with a couple of songs every now and then.

Just press play before you continue reading.

#Detrooklyn is a master piece. It has no features and it has our favorite returning producer, NYLZ. Amir and NYLZ are geniuses when it comes to creating art (because that is what their product is, fucking art). You can listen to Brave New World and The New Religion and sense their chemistry through the music. Those two are like Drake & 40, that's the only proper comparison.

The tape starts off with Liquor Store, where the plan is set up to rob a liquor store for some ''new pesos'' that are a bullet away. The track starts with bars and plans whilst it slowly morphs into a hook/bridge/outro. NYLZ does his thing on the beat. Next up is Fifteen, where the struggle and life of a young Amir are described. ''Young and PHCK'd up,'' in Amir's words, as he describes his hustles and his encounter with a red bone from across the street.

Feel It is up for the next spin, this song got previewed last year already; however, it felt just as phresh. The subsequent track Dinner For Two starts with ''So, tell me something about yourself.'' So he does, ''Million hits on MySpace, finna get a deal nigga, forreal nigga. 100,000 friends on the internet, no friends in the city though,'' and he continues to describe further life stories. My D has to be my favorite track on the tape. Amir raps ''Last night I swear I met an angel, she asked me what I'm mixed with I said gorgeous & gangsta,'' upon which a melodic chorus follows.

JoyRide (one of my least favorite tracks) is followed by Detroit Cartier, which got an improved chorus. Henessy Breath is a mixture of a fuck song and a smoke song, whether you are doing one or both, you're good with that song. Then we have the interlude called Sunlight, which is produced and sang on by NYLZ himself.

We are almost at the end now, but before we get there we get blessed with a straight up BANGER called 9 Milli, something to bump with your top down. Where Did You Go has a bit of a Houston vibe to it as the vocals sound a bit chopped (but not screwed), also one of my favorites. From Incomplete Love we move on to Drugs & Cam'ron, which got previewed on Instagram somewhere early this year. Amir used the hook of an old song called Puff Puff Pass and totally revamped it, this shit sounds amazing. Last but not least we got
Jay-Z, Kanye, Esco which also got a visual treatment. Amir raps about his musical career and label meetings he had.

The sound of this mixtape is hard to describe, it's authentic to say the least. Overall I am very satisfied with this tape, the only complaint I would have would be that we didn't get more new material. Some of the songs were a year old and I would've liked to hear more recent stuff; however, the tape sounds complete even with these 'older' songs. I am looking forward to what Amir has to offer in future, he is planning to release some visuals though.

The verdict: 9/10

The Amber Spyglass (alternative ending)

The angel just explained what needed to happen; all the windows between worlds had to be closed in order to keep the Dust in the worlds. Lyra looked at Will and felt a sensation, not the kind she felt like when they kissed for the first time, this was a horrifying one. She remembered what John Parry had told her, ''A person and their daemon can only live their full lives in their own worlds; outside they will weaken and die in approximately ten years.'' Will was thinking the very same, they were speechless. Lyra thought about going back to her Oxford, to Jordan College. She would grow up and marry someone one day, but it would not be Will. He would not have been nearly as great as Will; she would not love him more than she loved Will at this moment. Will was thinking the very same, going back to his own Oxford, going back to being unnoticed and pursued by the people in black suits. They couldn't. They simply couldn't leave each other. Their love was greater than any love ever before, and even though they were newly in love, they both knew that their feelings would only grow stronger. Will looked at Lyra's eyes; teardrops were falling down from the corner of her eye.

''Will, wait! There is another way!'', shouted Lyra. Will was thinking the very same thing; he was happy and afraid at the same time. He shivered, but smiled at Lyra. Will never realized it before but seeing Lyra smile lit him up, from the inside and out. Perhaps it were her amber colored locks or her genuine smile that also made her eyes twinkle. Instead of one of them going to each other’s world, which would mean that one of them would die after only ten years, they both could leave to another world and live there. Lyra’s ferret daemon and Will's colorful cat daemon were stroking each other's fur. Will could shut the final window behind them, destroy The Subtle Knife and they would spend an equal life length together. Both Will and Lyra felt a passionate fire light inside of them; however, it dimmed immediately. Will still had a mother, he felt ashamed for forgetting about her. His mother was still living with Mrs. Cooper in his world. He felt bad for leaving her behind in the first place, she was sick and Mrs. Cooper wasn't getting any younger either. Lyra thought of her parents, she had not seen her mom since she escaped from her in the cave and she had not seen her father since he had killed Roger in Svalbard. She contemplated whether to feel bad about not seeing them again. Little did she know that they both had died in the fight that took place a day earlier. She never would have known how proud her parents were of her. They were proud that her daughter accomplished so much on her own, that she was so strong. Yet Lyra would only remember them for their bad deeds, which were the only things they had ever shown her. Lyra looked at Will again and saw his thick eyebrows frown, which meant he was thinking. Will felt like he was betraying his mother by never returning and it felt like his heart was being ripped out of his chest, but he would rather spend the next ten years with Lyra than let this be his last moment. This was the right thing to do, if there was anything more right it would be left.

Meanwhile Dr. Mary Malone was standing a few yards away from Lyra, with Attal. She knew what really happened to Mrs. Coulter and Lord Asriel, Lyra's parents, how they threw themselves at the right hand of the Authority, deep into the abyss. But she had not told Lyra, as the witch instructed her, unless Lyra had asked. Mary also had to make a choice. Either she could stay in this world with the Mulefa, or go back to her own (and Will's) world. She recalled how she destroyed a lab and forged an ID before stepping through a window to Citagezze that night. The police were probably looking for her; if she went back she would get arrested and thrown in jail. Out of fear she grabbed Attal's arm, Attal looked at her and gestured with her grey trunk, What is it? Why are you scared? Mary, looking at Attal, knew she would never go back to her own world. There was nothing to live for there. She responded, I am going to stay here with you and the other Mulefa. All of you have been so welcoming and I would like to spend the remaining years of my life with all of you. Attal became excited and hugged her, and she pressed her grey muscular body against Mary's, almost crushing hers.

So Will and Lyra went through a window to Citagezze and headed to the top of the mountains, they thought about going to the city and beach area, but the children in the city would kill them if they ever went back to the that part of Citagezze. The children of Citagezze were not quite over the fact that Will killed one of their brothers to get The Subtle Knife. It was a long walk, Lyra's red coat began to feel heavier and heavier which each step and she felt like collapsing. Then Will slid in and held her up straight, he put her tiny left arm around his neck and they continued. After almost a full day's walk they arrived at the top of the mountain. It was so white up there it reminded Lyra of King Iorek and the other ice bears, it felt like Svalbard all over again. Only this time, it was just the two of them. One tiny red coated figure and a slightly bigger, black haired figure. Lyra was about to say something, but Will grabbed Lyra with one hand behind her neck and one hand on her back. He kissed her all over her face, he had been waiting to do that the whole trip. First on the lips, he then kissed her on the cheek, her forehead, then her other cheek and even on her tiny, pale nose. When they were done kissing, Lyra pulled back and said ''I love you, Will'' and he smiled. Lyra liked to see Will smile, because his thick black eyebrows would become like straight sticks, which she found funny. Now they only had ten years to live, but on this white mountain top it would be better than anywhere else in any world. They would never be able to have a real marriage with their families nor have children, which did sadden them. However, one thing was for sure: they would have ten years to love and grow into one person. Will took out The Subtle Knife and destroyed it, the same way he accidentally destroyed it back in the cave with Mrs. Coulter: he thought of his mother. It stung, it hurt him to think about her, but finally The Subtle Knife broke. He turned back to Lyra and said, ''I love you too, my dear.''

Eventually the prophecy did fulfill itself, but then again it did not. Mary remained successful in playing the serpent and seducing Lyra, causing her to feel love and to put it above anything else. However, Lyra did not become selfish, she chose to close all the windows between the worlds, unlike the prophecy said. The prophecy itself is not as important as the outcome; the scholars of the Church thought there were only two outcomes. Now, Lyra had made a third, one that satisfied almost everybody. Almost.

A New Element: Dust

I just finished reading a trilogy called ''His Dark Materials''. What was interesting about this book, besides the storyline, was that in that universe there was this element called ''Dust''. No, not the dust you find beneath your bed where your lazy ass (and mine) did not care to clean. Dust; little golden particles that are flowing EVERYWHERE, like oxygen atoms. It only manifests itself when creatures become aware of life and become conscious. This goes for human beings (Dust reached us 30,000 years ago when we stopped being cavemen) but also other creatures in parallel universes. The problem is that if Dust goes away, all creatures stop being conscious and we become cavemen again, we lose knowledge and wisdom. And to keep Dust in our universe, all we have to do is.. well I shall just show you what the book said.

The point is, to keep fictional Dust in our universe (in real life this would be consciousness and purpose) we have to keep evolving and bettering ourselves. The problem I find is that even though I am aware of this, I will not do anything about it. Neither will you, nobody will. And it makes me wonder: is every motivational and philosophical thing in life just a big woopsie-doo story that we never get to live? Or is there actually a way to execute our purpose? (Besides making a nice living) I do sort of believe that Dust exists. Haven't you ever wondered how it is possible you are conscious, and why animals are not? I suppose it is because humans became aware of their surroundings and they let Dust flow through them, and we started developing. We came a long way from being cavemen to having an actual society. Sometimes I imagine Dust flowing everywhere, but I see it streaming away from us. Instead of Dust falling down on us like snow does, it is streaming away from us, like bad rainy weather in Holland. And I think this is because we are becoming less conscious, we are putting our lives on auto-pilot. I myself am guilty of this too.

The beautiful thing about novels is that you can make a journey through a different realm, where Dust actually exists and you learn these things. What is less exciting is when the journey ends, and you come back to this realm.

Thanks for reading, and let's continue on auto-pilot.

P.S. I am not retarded, as a religious person myself I believe consciousness is a gift from God, yet it makes you wonder what might be in the air that let's us stay conscious; that is where Dust comes in.
P.P.S. I might have confused you and I might have contradicted myself, tough luck.

Misschien moet ik even kappen

Misschien moet ik even kappen met cynisch zijn, in ieder geval tegenover bepaalde mensen. Soms sta ik zelf versteld van hoe cynisch ik ben. Voor degenen die niet weten wat ''cynisch zijn'' inhoudt, het houdt min of meer in dat je niet gelooft in het goede van de mens. Voor meer informatie kan je dit even lezen.

Ik ben heel vaak gemeen tegen mensen, niet dat je er wat van zal merken, maar ik denk vaak gemene dingen over ze. Zo is er een bepaalde persoon, ik noem liever niet zijn naam of wat dan ook, maar hij gaat in ieder geval met onze familie om. Toen ik hem voor de eerste keer zag dacht ik: ''Jezus wat een loser, kijk hoe hij er ook uit ziet. Het is allemaal gewoon kansloos''. En mijn afkeer voor hem bleef eigenlijk maar groeien, iedere keer dat ik het over hem had, was het dan altijd heel negatief. Hij vroeg mij een week of twee terug of ik hem kon helpen met het aansluiten van zijn webcam, ik had meteen zoiets van ''Jezus dat ga ik dus echt niet doen'' en ik deed het ook niet en bedacht een smoes. Ik bleef hem ontlopen en praatte gewoon niet met hem, maar dat was eigenlijk allemaal omdat ik hem maar lomp vond. Mijn broertje zei op een gegeven moment van ''Weetje, je doet wel heel bitter, je praat altijd slecht over hem, doe eens normaal man. Hij heeft toch niks gedaan''. En toen, zei een klein stemmetje in mijn hoofd ''Waarom doe je eigenlijk zo?''.

Het liet mij nadenken. Waarom ben ik zo cynisch? Waarom geloof ik niet dat mensen goed kunnen zijn? Waarom haat ik eigenlijk zo een beetje alles en iedereen? Vele vragen, antwoorden had ik wel min of meer. Ik zal nu eigenlijk een denkproces van mij zwart op wit zetten. Ik geloof eigenlijk dat mensen altijd een motief hebben, dat ze altijd wat van je moeten. Waar ik werk, zie ik ook telkens mensen die wat van mij moeten. Als ze dan ineens een keertje vriendelijk doen, is het omdat ze wat van mij moeten. Stelt me best teleur, dat mensen alleen normaal kunnen doen als ze wat van je moeten. Ik klink nu trouwens als  iemand die helemaal alleen en depressief is, maar dat is niet zo hoor, ik ben gewoon met iemand, dus eenzaam ben ik zeker niet. Het is moeilijk om uit te leggen, maar dat cynische gedoe is slechts een denkwijze. Maar oke, even verder. Soms heb ik het mis, soms zijn mensen gewoon heel aardig en dan denk ik heel slecht over ze. Als dan blijkt dat het gewoon hele goede personen zijn, dan doet het mij wel pijn. Dan denk ik: ik had vooroordelen en trok nare conclusies, maar ik zat fout, heel erg fout. Dat doet mij erg pijn, vervolgens denk ik: waarom moest ik over ze oordelen voordat ik iets wist? Ik zou het ook niet fijn vinden als dat mij overkwam. Overigens oordelen mensen ook heel vaak over mij, dan denken ze dat ik een of andere straatjoch ben, maar zodra ik praat, denken ze wel anders. Iets te gearticuleerd om een straatjoch te zijn.

Ik heb dus een soort dualistische strijd in mij. Aan de ene kant vind ik het geweldig om cynisch te zijn en te doen, je komt er wel ver mee, al zeggen mensen van niet. Kom op, sommige geweldige schrijvers zijn cynisch! En aan de andere kant vind ik het fout dat ik zo cynisch ben, telkens als ik fout zit, denk ik: moet dit wel? Zo gemeen zijn, zo slecht over iemand denken...het is toch onnodig? Dan denk ik na, probeer ik dingen te overwegen en mijn houding te veranderen, maar het is het niet waard. Cynisch zijn vormt een soort krachtveld om je heen, een sterke krachtveld en het voedt je, wat heerlijk is. Ik heb helaas niet het dualistische strijd-gedeelte goed kunnen verwoorden, maar sommige dingen gaan gewoon niet zo makkelijk als je plant in je hoofd natuurlijk.

Overigens heb ik de webcam van die man nog steeds niet geïnstalleerd, misschien zou ik het wel moeten doen. Hij is ook gewoon een persoon die probeert te leven en goed probeert te doen (dat denk ik, dat weet ik dus niet zeker, aldus mijn cynische kant). Waarschijnlijk denk je nu: wat maakt die webcam nou weer uit? Maar het gaat om mijn afkeer voor hem, door iets voor hem te doen, onderdruk ik de afkeer.

Cynisch zijn heeft voor- en nadelen, het laat je heel vaak nadenken en zorgt voor motivatie. Ik wil niet eindigen zoals anderen waar ik slecht over denk. Ik wil beter zijn, veel beter, zodat anderen niet op dezelfde manier kunnen denken zoals ik over hen denk. De gedachte van succes stroomt door mijn aderen, de vastberadenheid is er. Het nadeel is gewoon dat mijn geweten mij soms lastig blijft vallen en zoiets heeft van ''stop nou eens''. Over mijn geweten gesproken, ik hoor niet zoveel meer van hem! Da's goed nieuws ja.

Mocht je nu denken ''zo cynisch ben je niet'', het is maar dat ik je niet kon toelaten in mijn hoofd, anders had ik je wel een aantal dingen kunnen laten horen/zien/voelen die je op andere gedachten zouden brengen.

Ongemakkelijk

Ik ben terug, deze keer nuchterder dan ooit. Geen emotionele instabiliteit, geen relatie issues, niks. Gewoon lekker nuchter en helemaal oke. Ik schrijf volgens mij voor het eerst in het Nederlands, ik wilde even checken of mijn Nederlands nog wel goed is gebleven na een jaar studeren in het Engels. Mijn Engels is inmiddels geweldig, als ik mijn oude blogs terug lees schaam ik me wel een beetje om eerlijk te zijn, dat was afschuwelijk.


In de afgelopen maanden was ik niet helemaal afwezig, ik had een aantal (zielige) blogs geschreven, maar vervolgens weer verwijderd. Ik vond het maar niks, al dat zielige, verliefde gedoe. Ik heb onlangs een mentale shampoo gebruikt, ik heb volledige rust in mijn hoofd, ik denk nergens meer aan en maak mij nergens meer  druk om.


Voor degenen die mijn blogs leuk vonden en ze hebben gemist: ik zal jullie eens (proberen) te vertellen wat ik heb gedaan in de afgelopen maanden, niet dat jullie dat per se willen weten, maar wel zo leuk.


Het afgelopen jaar was een emotionele verspilling, ik heb te lang geprobeerd vast te houden aan iets wat uit elkaar hoorde te vallen, alleen heb ik dit recentelijk beseft. Hoe goed iets ook voelt en hoe erg je ook afhankelijk denkt te zijn van iemand, soms moet je het loslaten. Dit soort dingen worden je altijd verteld en je luistert er niet naar (zoals ik niet luisterde, en jij nu ook niet), als je niet luistert, moet je het maar voelen. Liefde en gevoelens zijn tijdelijk, onthoud dat goed. Hoe pijnlijk iets ook lijkt, het gaat altijd over na verloop van tijd, maar alleen zie je dat niet altijd in, of weiger je het in te zien. Ik heb maanden lang als een teef lopen treuren en achteraf denk ik ''ik had al die tijd en moeite ergens anders in kunnen steken''. Overigens gaat het goed op school hoor, heb mijn eerste jaar op het HBO gehaald. Helaas geen P, ik kwam 5 punten te kort (van mijn project, niet mijn schuld, ik zat met idioten in een groepje).


Studeren is ook best geinig, ik keek er nooit naar uit, maar ik heb het best wel naar mijn zin. Ik kan gratis reizen en heb veel vrijheid. Soms zit ik wel 12 uren op school, maar ik voel me toch niet opgesloten, DAT is het verschil tussen het HBO en de middelbare school. Op de middelbare school zat er steeds iemand achter je reet aan, niemand liet je met rust. Op het HBO doet niemand dat, je moet maar voor jezelf zien te zorgen. Maar oke, in het begin was het wel even wennen, ik was 17 en mijn klasgenoten waren 20/21. Die 3/4 jaren maken best veel uit, niet alleen wanneer je meisjes vertelt hoe oud je bent, maar ook qua gedrag. Ik ben iemand die nogal speels en bijdehand is, maar ik ben serieus wanneer het moet, anders zou ik dit jaar ook niet hebben gehaald of course (haha, kijk ik neig toch Engels te typen). Iedereen in mijn klas vond mij heel vreemd, ik praat(te) veel, was bijdehand EN sliep in alle ochtendcolleges. Mensen namen mij niet serieus en begonnen langzamerhand een hekel aan mij te krijgen. Het enige nadeel van alleen zijn is dat je als een loner je tussenuren moet zien door te brengen (wat moeilijk kan zijn als je het hebt over 4 uren), maar anders dan dat weigerde ik mij aan te passen. Heb wel wat vrienden gemaakt door het jaar heen, die mij (volgens mij) wel begrepen. Ik moet zeggen dat studeren wel echt iets is waar je naar kan uitkijken, mits je de juiste opleiding kiest. Ik vind het altijd nog mooi dat ik zoveel heb geslapen op school en het nog steeds heb gehaald (overigens moet ik er wel bij zeggen dat je dan ook alles thuis moet uitvogelen, als je slaapt op school).


Oh, voor ik het vergeet, ik wil jullie een tip meegeven, gewoon gratis. Je kan het meteen toepassen bij alles wat je doet! Ik heb al mijn examens gehaald (het enige wat ik niet haalde was mijn eerste project, wil het er niet over hebben) en dat is mij gelukt met 1 truc. Voordat ik de truc weggeef, kan ik niet genoeg benadrukken hoe belangrijk STUDEREN wel niet is, wat ik nu ga zeggen is slechts een tip (of truc, het is maar hoe je het wilt noemen). Dit is de truc: VASTBERADENHEID. Als jij sterk gelooft dat jij iets kan doen, dan lukt dat ook. Ik heb de moeilijkste examens gehaald, examens die mensen 3 keer hebben moeten herkansen en ALSNOG niet haalden, gewoon door vastberaden te zijn. Ik loog mezelf voor door te zeggen dat ik een examen kon halen, dat bleef ik herhalen. Ik bleef herhalen dat ik het op een of andere manier zou halen. Zó lang, tot ik het werkelijk geloofde. Als je zelfverzekerd bent en met een goed gevoel je examen binnengaat, loopt het waarschijnlijk ook beter af. En zo heb ik dus haast al mijn examens gehaald, MAAR JE MOET OOK GEWOON HEEL GOED LEREN, dit is slechts een extraatje, dat helpt. Stel je ook je cijfer voor, wel realistisch blijven natuurlijk. Voor mijn accounting examen wilde ik een 5,7/5,8 halen, dat was haalbaar voor mij. Vervolgens haalde ik een 5,6, mensen zeiden dat het geluk was, maar ik wist wel beter.


Ah Jezus, wat een smerige scheet, ik stik hier haast.


Ik moet zeggen dat ik in het Nederlands schrijven super awkward vind, ik ben niet meer in staat om sarcasme te uiten in het Nederlands (op schrijfgebied) en daarom prefereer ik ook in het Engels te schrijven. Maar dit deed ik puur om te kijken of ik überhaupt nog wel Nederlands kan schrijven, want het is behoorlijk achteruit gegaan.


Dag vriendjes en vriendinnetjes, tot de volgende keer.

Walked Away

Feelings are so complicated. Especially when you really don't understand them. One moment I'm in love, the other moment I don't give a shit. I gotta confess that I never felt love, I never REALLY had a girlfriend, a girl that was there for you when you was in need of her. I always have been there for girls, but it never quite worked out and I never understood why. How come it never worked out with me, but a few months later it worked out with somebody else? It's so frustrating, because I want to know how it is to be in love, but it never was possible. Some say it's faith, some say it's time, but I say it's driving me crazy. This might sound desperate, really I don't give a shit, I just wanted to clear this up.. Clear what up? Ow right, just the controversy in myself, I wanted it black on white. There must be a day, that even I can feel love, then I'll be like Sean Garret in his song. But the worst part of everything must be what I mentioned in the begin; it doesn't work out with me but a few months later it does with someone else. I don't understand why you aren't with me, I never brought you trouble in the first place. But falling in love with him? That must be the worst way... Ow and if you understand what I'm going through, listen to this song.

De samenhang

Controversial, that's what life is.

Being understandable, that is what we try.

Fail, that is what we do.

Love, tries to hide the failure.

Anger, brings out the failure.

......And you, keep me calm during this all.

- Humair Nasim

Problematic

We all have issues and problems, it's normal. But we all solve them in a different way, let me tell you how you SHOULD do it. First of all, by building a barriere around yourself you won't reach anything, that way you won't see the solution either. I guess that's what a lot of y'all don't realize. Just take your time, find a spot in your house where you can think in silence and get your thoughts straight... This is a step you NEED  to take otherwise you can't overlook the situation as it is. Try to figure out what you really want to do with the situation; what do you exactly want? This'll take a lot of time though, because a lot of us (even me) don't really know what they want. So did you figure out what you really want to do? Got it? Okay try to relate this to your problem; by doing what you want, will you get rid of the problem? If not, then you should overthink what you really want, because that can't be it. If you eventually found what you really want, try to find a way to do it. If you can see that way, strongly believe you'll get there, don't doubt a second that you can't get done what you really want... Because if you believe, you'll receive.

  So one more time:
- Get your thoughts straight, overlook the situation
- Try to figure out what you really want
- Relate your wish to your problem
- Try to find a way to get done what you really want
- Believe that you'll get it done, don't doubt it.

Hope this will affect your way of handling a situation.

I even made the newspaper, forreal

Lil Wayne's best live performance

All his live performances SUCK, but this was really his  best one, because he uses auto-tune live... Been searching for this a little while now, last year I was looking too for it, I found it though... This was at Saturday Night Live btw, you can catch him soon at SNL, performing ''No Love'' with Eminem.