Compatibility vs Other stuff

This blog was inspired by two things. The first being an article on Cracked (basically) telling me to stop being a little female dog and start writing if I actually can and want to. I can write, I want to write, I just lacked the inspiration. I must mention that the word ‘inspiration’ is full of shit. Anyone can do anything when they have a gun pointed at their head. It is just mere laziness, I can admit that I often just did not want to write anymore. I spent the majority of 2014 reading, I read at least 12 books. No 200 page books either, really thick books. I didn’t have anything going on in my life either, well I did have a partner whom I often ignored just to read my book. The previous few sentences are besides the point. Now, where was I, ah! The last thing that ‘inspired’ me: someone. As you read the title, this will be about compatibility, writers always talk about something or someone when they write. (Hey, fellow writer, don’t kill me for telling, okay?) I should mention that Buzzfeed writers aren’t trying to lick their wounds when they write. They just try to lick their wounded bank account that is filled with debt, hoping to get paid off an article that’s about top 10 toilet seats.

So what is compatibility? It is defined as the following:
1. capable of existing or living together in harmony
2. able to exist together with something else

I only selected a couple definitions as the others were about computers, and I don’t know about you, but I am not trying to be compatible with a computer in this context. Although I did read that something like that might happen in future.

What do you look for in a potential partner? Or what qualities does your current partner possess? Are they (or do you want them to be): sweet, talkative, intelligent, passionate, caring, loud, aggressive, short tempered, unbothered by everything, introvert, extrovert, unclever (in a sweet way), humoristic, cynical, optimistic, nonjudgmental? That’s a long list; however, I bet that I am still missing most of the criteria you were thinking of. Now, if there’s one thing that I learned over the last year is that it’s not about a person’s qualities as much as it is about the person’s personality being compatible with yours. Two people could possess the exact same qualities, yet you could get along with one and entirely despise the other. Why is that? Their personality. Someone can possess all the qualities you look for in a person, yet you could still not get along. The take home message? Stop looking for qualities, start looking for compatibility.

Compatibility doesn’t limit itself to qualities and personality of a person, but also their view on life and existential matters. Your personalities might be compatible, but what about the rest? Do you love working out and does (s)he despise it? Does (s)he want to have kids after (s)he turns 30 but do you want them before you are 30? Does (s)he want to prolong the engagement while you want to get married? Just think about it and reevaluate upon completion.

Another thing that I get sick and tired of is this entire concept of love. ‘Love shall prevail!’ No. ‘As long as we love each other, we can get through anything.’ Once more, no. ‘Love is a major factor in a successful relationship’, yeah right, that’s why you have spent every single moment fighting with one another the past 10 years. Doesn’t exactly sound pleasant either to be honest with you. The word 'love' is one without substance. It is a concept made up by society and treated like some fundamental need (in the pyramid of needs), it is not, okay? I tried pulling up amazing articles for you where science explains love, but they don’t fit the point I am trying to make, so therefore the opposition does not exist (hey, this is my party, I can leave things out if I want to). Love is kind of like a chemical reaction in the brain, often temporary. You can’t feel the same passion for someone day in and day out for the rest of your lives. What you cán feel is genuine compassion and care for the other person, that is a more realistic view. I have spoken to married couples and they told me one thing: at the end of the day, marriage is a contract and you have to make it work. It requires effort and the feeling of being in love only lasts for a little while, after a while it dies out and you have to deal with the person. So make sure that once that feeling dies out that you ARE able to make it work with that person. Make sure that you are capable of living together in harmony. Hey, that last sentence sounds familiar right? That’s because that’s the first definition of compatibility. I don’t want to be in a relationship where I am ‘in love’ but constantly arguing about our differences (whether it would be personality wise or outlook on life wise).

This might sound obvious. Humair, why would I be in a relationship in which we are not compatible? Because a lot of people are, in fact. Isn’t there a 50% chance that marriages will fail nowadays? Damnit, that’s a high number. Think back, back to a relationship in which you were happy. You were good together. Also think about a lot of the differences you had. You wanted X, the other wanted Y. You always felt ABC when something happened while the other felt XYZ. You loved the person, you cared, but was that enough to make it last? No. That’s because love is not enough. Compatibility (in most aspects) is what makes a successful relationship.

I would like to end this essay (that’s what it is at this point) with one of my favorite quotes by a fictional character named Jacob Minderhout: ‘Remember son, a beautiful woman bores, but an ugly woman grows on you’. This quote inspired me to realize, at a young age, that beauty isn’t everything you seek in a person. That probably wasn’t the message of that sentence, in the book, but that’s the beauty of literature: it is open to interpretation. Please, share your thoughts in the comment section, I am open to others' views.

P.S. I think only one type of love actually exists: parental love. Once you have a child, you will care more for it than yourself, I suppose that is what I would define as 'love'.