Compatibility vs Other stuff

This blog was inspired by two things. The first being an article on Cracked (basically) telling me to stop being a little female dog and start writing if I actually can and want to. I can write, I want to write, I just lacked the inspiration. I must mention that the word ‘inspiration’ is full of shit. Anyone can do anything when they have a gun pointed at their head. It is just mere laziness, I can admit that I often just did not want to write anymore. I spent the majority of 2014 reading, I read at least 12 books. No 200 page books either, really thick books. I didn’t have anything going on in my life either, well I did have a partner whom I often ignored just to read my book. The previous few sentences are besides the point. Now, where was I, ah! The last thing that ‘inspired’ me: someone. As you read the title, this will be about compatibility, writers always talk about something or someone when they write. (Hey, fellow writer, don’t kill me for telling, okay?) I should mention that Buzzfeed writers aren’t trying to lick their wounds when they write. They just try to lick their wounded bank account that is filled with debt, hoping to get paid off an article that’s about top 10 toilet seats.

So what is compatibility? It is defined as the following:
1. capable of existing or living together in harmony
2. able to exist together with something else

I only selected a couple definitions as the others were about computers, and I don’t know about you, but I am not trying to be compatible with a computer in this context. Although I did read that something like that might happen in future.

What do you look for in a potential partner? Or what qualities does your current partner possess? Are they (or do you want them to be): sweet, talkative, intelligent, passionate, caring, loud, aggressive, short tempered, unbothered by everything, introvert, extrovert, unclever (in a sweet way), humoristic, cynical, optimistic, nonjudgmental? That’s a long list; however, I bet that I am still missing most of the criteria you were thinking of. Now, if there’s one thing that I learned over the last year is that it’s not about a person’s qualities as much as it is about the person’s personality being compatible with yours. Two people could possess the exact same qualities, yet you could get along with one and entirely despise the other. Why is that? Their personality. Someone can possess all the qualities you look for in a person, yet you could still not get along. The take home message? Stop looking for qualities, start looking for compatibility.

Compatibility doesn’t limit itself to qualities and personality of a person, but also their view on life and existential matters. Your personalities might be compatible, but what about the rest? Do you love working out and does (s)he despise it? Does (s)he want to have kids after (s)he turns 30 but do you want them before you are 30? Does (s)he want to prolong the engagement while you want to get married? Just think about it and reevaluate upon completion.

Another thing that I get sick and tired of is this entire concept of love. ‘Love shall prevail!’ No. ‘As long as we love each other, we can get through anything.’ Once more, no. ‘Love is a major factor in a successful relationship’, yeah right, that’s why you have spent every single moment fighting with one another the past 10 years. Doesn’t exactly sound pleasant either to be honest with you. The word 'love' is one without substance. It is a concept made up by society and treated like some fundamental need (in the pyramid of needs), it is not, okay? I tried pulling up amazing articles for you where science explains love, but they don’t fit the point I am trying to make, so therefore the opposition does not exist (hey, this is my party, I can leave things out if I want to). Love is kind of like a chemical reaction in the brain, often temporary. You can’t feel the same passion for someone day in and day out for the rest of your lives. What you cán feel is genuine compassion and care for the other person, that is a more realistic view. I have spoken to married couples and they told me one thing: at the end of the day, marriage is a contract and you have to make it work. It requires effort and the feeling of being in love only lasts for a little while, after a while it dies out and you have to deal with the person. So make sure that once that feeling dies out that you ARE able to make it work with that person. Make sure that you are capable of living together in harmony. Hey, that last sentence sounds familiar right? That’s because that’s the first definition of compatibility. I don’t want to be in a relationship where I am ‘in love’ but constantly arguing about our differences (whether it would be personality wise or outlook on life wise).

This might sound obvious. Humair, why would I be in a relationship in which we are not compatible? Because a lot of people are, in fact. Isn’t there a 50% chance that marriages will fail nowadays? Damnit, that’s a high number. Think back, back to a relationship in which you were happy. You were good together. Also think about a lot of the differences you had. You wanted X, the other wanted Y. You always felt ABC when something happened while the other felt XYZ. You loved the person, you cared, but was that enough to make it last? No. That’s because love is not enough. Compatibility (in most aspects) is what makes a successful relationship.

I would like to end this essay (that’s what it is at this point) with one of my favorite quotes by a fictional character named Jacob Minderhout: ‘Remember son, a beautiful woman bores, but an ugly woman grows on you’. This quote inspired me to realize, at a young age, that beauty isn’t everything you seek in a person. That probably wasn’t the message of that sentence, in the book, but that’s the beauty of literature: it is open to interpretation. Please, share your thoughts in the comment section, I am open to others' views.

P.S. I think only one type of love actually exists: parental love. Once you have a child, you will care more for it than yourself, I suppose that is what I would define as 'love'. 

The Amber Spyglass (alternative ending)

The angel just explained what needed to happen; all the windows between worlds had to be closed in order to keep the Dust in the worlds. Lyra looked at Will and felt a sensation, not the kind she felt like when they kissed for the first time, this was a horrifying one. She remembered what John Parry had told her, ''A person and their daemon can only live their full lives in their own worlds; outside they will weaken and die in approximately ten years.'' Will was thinking the very same, they were speechless. Lyra thought about going back to her Oxford, to Jordan College. She would grow up and marry someone one day, but it would not be Will. He would not have been nearly as great as Will; she would not love him more than she loved Will at this moment. Will was thinking the very same, going back to his own Oxford, going back to being unnoticed and pursued by the people in black suits. They couldn't. They simply couldn't leave each other. Their love was greater than any love ever before, and even though they were newly in love, they both knew that their feelings would only grow stronger. Will looked at Lyra's eyes; teardrops were falling down from the corner of her eye.

''Will, wait! There is another way!'', shouted Lyra. Will was thinking the very same thing; he was happy and afraid at the same time. He shivered, but smiled at Lyra. Will never realized it before but seeing Lyra smile lit him up, from the inside and out. Perhaps it were her amber colored locks or her genuine smile that also made her eyes twinkle. Instead of one of them going to each other’s world, which would mean that one of them would die after only ten years, they both could leave to another world and live there. Lyra’s ferret daemon and Will's colorful cat daemon were stroking each other's fur. Will could shut the final window behind them, destroy The Subtle Knife and they would spend an equal life length together. Both Will and Lyra felt a passionate fire light inside of them; however, it dimmed immediately. Will still had a mother, he felt ashamed for forgetting about her. His mother was still living with Mrs. Cooper in his world. He felt bad for leaving her behind in the first place, she was sick and Mrs. Cooper wasn't getting any younger either. Lyra thought of her parents, she had not seen her mom since she escaped from her in the cave and she had not seen her father since he had killed Roger in Svalbard. She contemplated whether to feel bad about not seeing them again. Little did she know that they both had died in the fight that took place a day earlier. She never would have known how proud her parents were of her. They were proud that her daughter accomplished so much on her own, that she was so strong. Yet Lyra would only remember them for their bad deeds, which were the only things they had ever shown her. Lyra looked at Will again and saw his thick eyebrows frown, which meant he was thinking. Will felt like he was betraying his mother by never returning and it felt like his heart was being ripped out of his chest, but he would rather spend the next ten years with Lyra than let this be his last moment. This was the right thing to do, if there was anything more right it would be left.

Meanwhile Dr. Mary Malone was standing a few yards away from Lyra, with Attal. She knew what really happened to Mrs. Coulter and Lord Asriel, Lyra's parents, how they threw themselves at the right hand of the Authority, deep into the abyss. But she had not told Lyra, as the witch instructed her, unless Lyra had asked. Mary also had to make a choice. Either she could stay in this world with the Mulefa, or go back to her own (and Will's) world. She recalled how she destroyed a lab and forged an ID before stepping through a window to Citagezze that night. The police were probably looking for her; if she went back she would get arrested and thrown in jail. Out of fear she grabbed Attal's arm, Attal looked at her and gestured with her grey trunk, What is it? Why are you scared? Mary, looking at Attal, knew she would never go back to her own world. There was nothing to live for there. She responded, I am going to stay here with you and the other Mulefa. All of you have been so welcoming and I would like to spend the remaining years of my life with all of you. Attal became excited and hugged her, and she pressed her grey muscular body against Mary's, almost crushing hers.

So Will and Lyra went through a window to Citagezze and headed to the top of the mountains, they thought about going to the city and beach area, but the children in the city would kill them if they ever went back to the that part of Citagezze. The children of Citagezze were not quite over the fact that Will killed one of their brothers to get The Subtle Knife. It was a long walk, Lyra's red coat began to feel heavier and heavier which each step and she felt like collapsing. Then Will slid in and held her up straight, he put her tiny left arm around his neck and they continued. After almost a full day's walk they arrived at the top of the mountain. It was so white up there it reminded Lyra of King Iorek and the other ice bears, it felt like Svalbard all over again. Only this time, it was just the two of them. One tiny red coated figure and a slightly bigger, black haired figure. Lyra was about to say something, but Will grabbed Lyra with one hand behind her neck and one hand on her back. He kissed her all over her face, he had been waiting to do that the whole trip. First on the lips, he then kissed her on the cheek, her forehead, then her other cheek and even on her tiny, pale nose. When they were done kissing, Lyra pulled back and said ''I love you, Will'' and he smiled. Lyra liked to see Will smile, because his thick black eyebrows would become like straight sticks, which she found funny. Now they only had ten years to live, but on this white mountain top it would be better than anywhere else in any world. They would never be able to have a real marriage with their families nor have children, which did sadden them. However, one thing was for sure: they would have ten years to love and grow into one person. Will took out The Subtle Knife and destroyed it, the same way he accidentally destroyed it back in the cave with Mrs. Coulter: he thought of his mother. It stung, it hurt him to think about her, but finally The Subtle Knife broke. He turned back to Lyra and said, ''I love you too, my dear.''

Eventually the prophecy did fulfill itself, but then again it did not. Mary remained successful in playing the serpent and seducing Lyra, causing her to feel love and to put it above anything else. However, Lyra did not become selfish, she chose to close all the windows between the worlds, unlike the prophecy said. The prophecy itself is not as important as the outcome; the scholars of the Church thought there were only two outcomes. Now, Lyra had made a third, one that satisfied almost everybody. Almost.

A New Element: Dust

I just finished reading a trilogy called ''His Dark Materials''. What was interesting about this book, besides the storyline, was that in that universe there was this element called ''Dust''. No, not the dust you find beneath your bed where your lazy ass (and mine) did not care to clean. Dust; little golden particles that are flowing EVERYWHERE, like oxygen atoms. It only manifests itself when creatures become aware of life and become conscious. This goes for human beings (Dust reached us 30,000 years ago when we stopped being cavemen) but also other creatures in parallel universes. The problem is that if Dust goes away, all creatures stop being conscious and we become cavemen again, we lose knowledge and wisdom. And to keep Dust in our universe, all we have to do is.. well I shall just show you what the book said.

The point is, to keep fictional Dust in our universe (in real life this would be consciousness and purpose) we have to keep evolving and bettering ourselves. The problem I find is that even though I am aware of this, I will not do anything about it. Neither will you, nobody will. And it makes me wonder: is every motivational and philosophical thing in life just a big woopsie-doo story that we never get to live? Or is there actually a way to execute our purpose? (Besides making a nice living) I do sort of believe that Dust exists. Haven't you ever wondered how it is possible you are conscious, and why animals are not? I suppose it is because humans became aware of their surroundings and they let Dust flow through them, and we started developing. We came a long way from being cavemen to having an actual society. Sometimes I imagine Dust flowing everywhere, but I see it streaming away from us. Instead of Dust falling down on us like snow does, it is streaming away from us, like bad rainy weather in Holland. And I think this is because we are becoming less conscious, we are putting our lives on auto-pilot. I myself am guilty of this too.

The beautiful thing about novels is that you can make a journey through a different realm, where Dust actually exists and you learn these things. What is less exciting is when the journey ends, and you come back to this realm.

Thanks for reading, and let's continue on auto-pilot.

P.S. I am not retarded, as a religious person myself I believe consciousness is a gift from God, yet it makes you wonder what might be in the air that let's us stay conscious; that is where Dust comes in.
P.P.S. I might have confused you and I might have contradicted myself, tough luck.